Why Emotional Regulation Matters More Than Good Behaviour

My Perspective on Classroom Behaviour and Emotional Regulation

From my experience, when children act out in the classroom, my first instinct is often to focus on correcting their behaviour. However, I've come to realise that the real key to helping students thrive isn't solely about enforcing rules or expecting perfect conduct.

Instead, I've found that emotional regulation—the ability to understand and manage feelings—plays a much larger role in shaping how children behave and learn.

Understanding this concept has transformed how I approach supporting my students. By fostering an environment that prioritises emotional regulation, I can create a more positive learning atmosphere where children feel safe and understood. This shift in focus not only helps in managing behaviour but also enhances the overall educational experience for everyone involved.

Creating a calm space in your classroom can make all the difference to how a child feels in the space.

What Emotional Regulation Really Means

Emotional regulation is the skill that allows children to recognise their feelings, control impulses, and respond to situations in a thoughtful way. It’s not about suppressing emotions but managing them so they don’t overwhelm or disrupt learning. (Rouse and Martinez, 2016)

For example, a child who feels frustrated during a difficult math problem might take a deep breath or ask for help instead of throwing their pencil or yelling. This ability to pause and choose a response is emotional regulation in action.

Why Emotional Regulation Matters More Than Just Good Behaviour

I've come to realise through years of teaching that "good behaviour" often gets defined by things like following rules, staying quiet, or sitting still. While these aspects are certainly important, they don’t always capture what’s truly going on inside a child's mind.

I've seen students who seem well-behaved on the outside but are actually grappling with feelings of anxiety, sadness, or anger that often go unnoticed.

When we focus only on behaviour, we risk overlooking valuable opportunities to teach emotional skills that can benefit students for a lifetime. From my perspective, when children learn to regulate their emotions, they:

• Develop stronger relationships with their peers and adults.

• Enhance their focus and engagement in class.

• Minimize conflicts and disruptions.

• Cultivate resilience to face challenges.

  
  

On the flip side, if we rely solely on strict behaviour management without providing emotional support, it can lead to feelings of frustration, shame, or withdrawal in students, ultimately making the situation worse.

How I Support Emotional Regulation in the Classroom

As a teacher, I recognise my vital role in helping my students develop emotional regulation. Here are some practical strategies that I've found effective in my own classrooms:

Create a Safe and Predictable Environment

From my experience, children are much better at regulating their emotions when they feel safe and know what to expect. Establishing clear routines, consistent rules, and maintaining a calm atmosphere can significantly reduce anxiety and impulsive behaviour.

Teach Emotional Vocabulary

I find it helpful to encourage students to name their feelings through stories, games, or emotion charts. When children can label emotions like “frustrated,” “excited,” or “nervous,” they gain a sense of control over their feelings.

Model Emotional Regulation

I strive to stay calm and openly manage my own stress, demonstrating to students how to handle their feelings. For example, when I say, “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a deep breath,” I’m teaching by example.

Use Breaks and Calming Techniques

Incorporating short 'brain' breaks from the learning, breathing or grounding exercises, or sensory tools like stress balls has proven effective for my students. These strategies help them reset when emotions start to run high.

Encourage Problem-Solving and Reflection

I guide my students to reflect on what triggers their feelings and what they can do differently next time. This practice builds self-awareness and encourages better decision-making.

A teacher engages with a young student in a classroom setting, focusing on teaching self-regulation skills.

Real-Life Example: Transforming Behaviour Challenges into Emotional Growth

I had a lovely student, who was an excellent learner. However, he often interrupted the class by shouting out answers. Although this felt frustrating and also stopped other children getting a chance to have a go and answer. Rather than simply telling the child to stop, (I didn't want to ruin his enthusiasm for learning), I tried to recognise his excitement and difficulty in waiting for his turn. In this situation, I did the following:

• Acknowledged the child’s enthusiasm;

• Taught a signal they can use when they want to speak;

• Practised waiting skills through engaging games;

• And praised the child when they manage to wait patiently.

  
  

Over time, this approach not only helped this student regulate his impulses but also made him feel understood, which naturally reduced interruptions.

The Long-Term Benefits for Us All

From my perspective, prioritising emotional regulation in the classroom creates an environment that feels more supportive and less stressful for everyone involved. I’ve noticed that when we focus on these skills, students not only become better equipped to handle academic challenges but also thrive socially. For teachers like myself, this shift means we can dedicate more time to teaching rather than managing disruptions, which is incredibly rewarding. (Farhi and Orly Rubinsten, 2024)

Moreover, research highlights that children who develop strong emotional regulation skills often enjoy better mental health, achieve higher academically, and form stronger friendships. These advantages don’t just vanish after graduation; they carry on into adulthood, shaping healthier, more resilient individuals. (Wong, Colasante and Malti, 2023)